And I must say, I hate what they’ve done to Morgana. Before she decided to cross over to the dark side, Morgana was probably the smartest inhabitant of Camelot. Once she started to go bad, the plans she started coming up with made me facepalm. And the lack of any real threat other than Morgana has made this conversation happen often in my household:
Now, to this week’s review: another problem. The writers are doing episodes specifically made to shut a percentage of the fandom up. What do you mean, we’re not using Gwen or addressing that she’s the future queen? Here. Now be quiet for the next few seasons while we don’t use Gwen and don’t address that she’s the future queen.
This week opens with a scene made to do just that. Court has been assembled. Arthur is… king? And all of a sudden, you realize that the dark-haired woman walking down the aisle is Gwen. He pronounces her queen of Camelot, and Morgana wakes with a start. That’s right, lady, it’s a prophecy, so can we not fuck it up? …No? Dammit.
Also, Camelot’s guards suck. I mean, really, really suck. Morgause gets in, what, every other episode? Hello, knights? Known enemy of Camelot, right here. …Nothing? Okay. *yells* She’s a sorceress. Still nothing? Idiots.
So Morgana decides to wreck the relationship between Arthur and Gwen. She does so by making each one admit that they have the hots for each other. This is not hard.
All the gooey “Aww, you’re so cute, you like her,” comes a “you’re the future king, you do what you want” speech… which ends in Arthur agreeing to meet Gwen for a special date outside the city. Nobody in Camelot ever catches on that they’re being followed, so, well… they don’t see Morgana.
Goddammit, Dad, I ALMOST had it! Thisclose!
The date is utterly cute. Arthur admits he wishes he could be a farmer somewhere, and Gwen laughs at him for it. There’s more utterly adorable stuff, Gwen kisses Arthur – and Morgana shows up with Uther.
Uther makes it clear that he thinks it’s sooo adorable that his son has found out the “wonders of serving girls”, and gets quite pissed when Arthur blurts “but I love her”. Gwen is banished from Camelot. She has three days to leave, or else.
Morgana comes in to talk to Arthur, who then decides that he’s gonna leave with Gwen, giving up his claim to the throne, and then somehow come back later and make her Queen. Yeah, that’s gonna work.
Morgana then comes to Uther and drops the idea that the only way Arthur could be in love with Gwen is if he’s under a spell. (Fuuuuuck you, King Jerkface.) He orders Arthur’s quarters searched, and – gasp! – a poultice is found. It’s quickly judged to be magical, and Uther goes right back to “Gwen’s a witch!” She’s sentenced to death, and Arthur blows up. He actually, verbally relinquishes his rights to the throne, and Uther has him seized as well. He fights his way over to her, kisses her, and yells “I will always love you!” as she’s dragged away.
‘Scuse me. I have dust in my contacts. *sniffle*
Merlin visits Gwen in jail, and she finally lets someone know that Morgana Is Evil. Yeah, thanks, sweetie, but we already knew that.
Merlin comes up with this – they can’t expose Morgana, because Uther will never believe it. So he’s going to use an aging spell to make himself a sorcerer, and Gaius is going to make an identical poultice. Merlin-the-old-sorcerer is going to get caught putting it in Arthur’s quarters.
Not pictured: The rest of ZZ Top.
I will say this: Colin Morgan has more fun as an 80 year old than a kid on 20 Pixie Stix at Chuck E Cheese. And when Colin has fun, we have fun. Anyhow, “Dragoon the Great” gets caught and dragged in front of Uther. Uther asks if he’s wronged the old man; Merlin gets to say everything he’s ever wanted to say to both Uther and Arthur.
Gwen is released, and Old Merlin takes her place. He can’t break the age spell, so Gaius tells him to stall while he comes up with the antidote.
How the hell is a man, already convicted, in jail, supposed to stall for time? Beats me. Beats Merlin, too. (OK, well… he could go the Rasputin route and pull out the ol’ “if my blood’s spilled, the royal family will die in X time” bit, but he doesn’t. Guess it doesn’t beat me.) He does try one thing – “there are other crimes I’d like to confess to” – but Arthur’s not stupid. “Can’t burn you twice for them, so it doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”
He’s dragged out to a giant pyre, and Uther reads out his death sentence. Gaius shows up with the potion, and Merlin pretends to threaten him to get the antidote. Merlin blows up the pyre, escapes, and gets away just in time to take the potion and have Arthur discover young Merlin in the hall.
Arthur and Gwen have one last scene where he tells her that he’s not enchanted, he still loves her, and that once he’s king, things will change. Everyone after me: Awwwwwww.
Now, Merlin writers: we’re in the back nine; step your game up.
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Next week: Camelot has another goddamned tournament, this one with no rules. And there’s a kid who can use magic who’s decided to enter. This is going to end well. (The kid looks just enough like Matthew Lewis, Harry Potter’s Neville Longbottom, for me to have gotten all excited over getting to refer to his character as Neville Fucking Longbottom, Motherfucker. Alas, he’s not. I has a sad.
LamoreVincera
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It isn’t Neville Fucking Longbottom, Snake-Slayer And All Around BAMF, but it IS a fat-suit-less Dudley Dursley. Still in HP fandom, that counts for something, right? He’s also brilliant and I can’t wait for you to review that ep.
In the meantime, OLD MERLIN FTW. I swear I almost cracked a rib laughing at his random inane old-man ramblings. The look on Arthur’s face, like “is this really what we’re afraid of, Dad?”, was PRICELESS.
When Old Merlin went batshit on Uther and then tried to go equally crazy on Arthur, I LOVED it. Best part of an otherwise *yawn* episode.
LIke I said, when Colin Morgan has fun with his role, WE have fun. I love it when he gets to do stuff like that.
And I have NO idea why I thought that was BAMF Longbottom. I think I need my eyes checked.